Character Flaws

Having a masters degree in psychology is a bit of problem sometimes. On the other hand I am not nearly as disabled by other peoples behavior as I was at times in the past. You know how it is. Some friend is gossiping about you and you wonder, "Why me?" There are myriad examples. One of the big problems in life is projection, so I thought I would write a little about how to detect and avoid projection. Your life will be much easier if you can avoid this psychological game that many people play.

We are at a time in history where good has become bad and bad has become good as the scriptures forewarn and I see it happening even in my own family. We strive to be good people, but there are some things that have become acceptable and tolerated. Recently my brother felt the need to have a talk with me about a perceived character flaw.

The details of the story do not matter. What he was doing was projecting. When I first learned about projection the way it was explained to me troubled me and I questioned the concept, but now that I have been thoroughly educated I literally do not take anything personally. Projection is basically disowned inner angst. The things you don't like about yourself, but cannot admit that you even possess those characteristics. An extreme example would be homophobia. If you obsess and project hatred about another person's sexuality it is likely because you cannot "own" that you are capable of similar behavior. That does not mean you would ever or even that you have those desires, but simply that you are capable. When you can say to yourself I am cabaple of that behavior you can let go of bitter hatred towards others.

Well what about Hitler and the holocaust? If you possess bitter hatred for Hitler it is because you cannot admit that you are capable of becoming a sheep or a murderer. When you can admit that you are capable of murder you can let go of the projection. I used this as an example with a skilled and knowledgable psychology professor thinking that surely this would stump her. She instantly replied, "if you are human you are capable of murder, because you possess the intelligence, know how, and tools to do the deed." My reply was, "but I would never..." and she still maintained that was beside the point. Admit you are capable and you will not spend sleepless nights, foaming at the mouth with hatred. Does that mean that you have any less sympathy for the victims or any more tolerance for the events? No you simply become more objective about whatever it is that bothers you.

So here is my brother, with whom I have always gotten along, telling me that I need to correct my behavior. If my behavior is bothering him it is because he cannot stand the same behavior in himself and is suppressing his angst and projecting on to me. It is like playing a game. Someone throws a ball at you (projection) and if you catch it and throw it back they are relieved of their inner angst. They forget they threw the slur/anger/sarcasm and all they remember is that you have now thrown a slur/anger/sarcasm at them. By catching the projection you have released the pressure from them and you are now the bad guy. If they throw the ball and you don't catch it, but let it fall on the ground the person is forced to look at their inner angst lying there. You did not play their game. You know when you have thrown a projection (unreceived) whenever you say to yourself, "I can't believe I said or did that." That was a projection that fell flat on the ground. You were forced to remember your slur, because no one took the projection you hurled.

It is difficult to show no reaction if someone hurls an insult, but when you get to the point of realizing, "This has nothing to do with me" you can let a lot of slings and arrows fly by you without letting them affect your day or your life. I can say without equivocation that every insult, angry comment, or jab projected at you does not have anything whatsoever to do with you. Ever, Ever, Ever. Do not react and watch the amazing results. Even fights with your spouse are totally unnecessary. I challenge you to try not to have one negative or angry encounter for one week. Let EVERYTHING slide off your back. Do not get defensive. Do not get angry. Apologize immediately for your own projections. The adversary is the root of all dissension and he wants us to be consumed by hatred and anger. Projections given or taken keeps the adversary close at hand. I know that my friends are good people. I will bet that on a daily basis someone out in the world tries to convince you of your badness, whether it be a driver on the road or someone in your family. Let it all go sure in the knowledge that you are child of God and He has sent you here. There is only one path and projection attempts to pull you from that path.