In Memoriam

Jerry's mom passed away this morning after eleven years of suffering the effects of cancer treatment. Believe it or not a couple of weeks ago she told her son that she did not want to die, because she was afraid she would miss out on something. This after years of excruciating pain.

Jerry was a lucky kid. His mom never fought with him, never gave him any trouble and forgave him for everything. Jerry could not take an inch with his dad, so he took a mile with his mom. As an adult he apologized many times for his behavior. His mom's stock reply: "Oh, I don't remember you ever doing one bad thing. You were an angel." Trust me when I say that Jerry was no angel, especially with his mom. One of his mom's favorite stories, that she repeated often, happened when Jerry was in about second grade. He returned home from school in a foul mood. He threw his lunchbox on the table and stomped to his room. His mom found that his entire lunch was still there and untouched. When she questioned Jerry about why he hadn't eaten his lunch he said, "You put mayonaise on my sandwich and you know I don't like mayonaise." She again asked, "But why didn't you eat the rest of your lunch?" He looked at her incredulously and said, "You put mayonaise on my sandwich, so it ruined my whole lunch." She handled this very sweetly as she handled most things in her life.

How do you sum up a person's life? She died too soon at only 71. As a kid she lived a poverty stricken existence and yet she was always neatly dressed in every photo. She had a keen awareness of her surroundings and her person and kept both immaculate. Jerry says that he never knew the bathroom faucet could develop spots, because every time he walked up to the faucet to brush his teeth it was sparkling. Her linen closet was so neat that it looked like a store display. She was a knockout beauty and showed unconditional love to everybody. At times Jerry would arrive home to find a former friend, no longer in his favor, sitting at his mom's table gabbing away with her. Jerry would say, "Mom, that guy is a loser." His mom would say, "He is a nice boy." No matter what evidence you presented she refused to see the "truth" of a person. She saw what she wanted to see.

At an early age she experienced tragedy of the highest order. Her family lived in the rear of their second hand furniture store. The brick building which soared two stories, without support, collapsed in an earthquake, burying the entire family. The parents escaped quickly, but Lois, one sister and two brothers were buried beneath the rubble together for a couple of hours. Three other sisters perished along with a friend who was spending the night. All of the children were hospitalized for weeks and many people recount how the father's hair turned white practically overnight. Forever after Lois was afraid of the dark and slept with a nightlight. The only relief from our grief is to think of the happy reunion she is having with her three little sisters and her parents.

Lois had a long hard life full of endless health problems and more times than I can recall we were told this was it, she is not going to make it through this one. At least a dozen times or more we rushed to her bedside to say our final goodbyes. She was given a year to live, six or seven years ago. In the end she weighed 68 pounds and was too fragile for surgery. Her husband loses his partner of 57 years today and we shall see if he recovers from the effects of ten years as sole caretaker.