The Perfect Childhood

My nephew Noah in his "igloo" from Ikea

I watched a documentary called, "Take Joy: The Magical World of Tasha Tudor". What fascinated me about her was not that she chooses to live as if it is 1830 or that she writes and illustrates childrens books. What I found fascinating about her life was the devotion she showed to making sure her children had a happy childhood. Her daughter described leaving for school in the morning and knowing that when she arrived home in the afternoon she might have received a piece of mail from a mouse who lived in the house and liked to write letters. I believe they called it "mouse mail". Tasha would write little love notes in script so small that it looked as if a mouse might have written the letter. Tasha created a world where her children could dream and create.

To Homeschool or Not

Until recently I never had an opinion about homeschooling. I personally loathed attending school, for the most part. I often wondered if I would have benefitted from being homeschooled. I was a day dreamer and I would spend most of the day looking out the window at the world passing me by. However, I now see the value of a bricks and mortar school setting.

A woman brought her homeschooled child to his first guitar lesson. She had been teaching him to play guitar by reading notes out of a book. She emailed the day after that first lesson and quit, writing, "I am not willing to pay for something I can do myself." Now I feel compelled to explain that Jerry's guitar lessons are fun, low pressure, and every student walks away being able to play something from day one. Jerry called this woman back and explained that there is a lot more to playing guitar than reading notes off a page. Unless you have been in the trenches you cannot possibly know that instead of playing the difficult Am7 chord you could play the easier C over G chord and get the same sound. This principle applies to math, biology, history and every other field of study. Those who are experts in any subject can convey the beauty and simplicity of complex ideas. The woman replied to Jerry, "There is nothing my child needs to know that I cannot teach him."

I thought about that statement for a few days. This mother is likely going to instill stupidity. What is the point of a head full of knowledge but a stupid approach to life? I am sure that those who homeschool probably have the opposite goal. I don't mean stupid as in unintelligent, but stupid as in uninformed. The credential for elementary education is a long learning path. Those with a credential know things that the average person does not know about education, learning styles, and behavior.

I am sure that there are some great things about homeschooling, but there are drawbacks too. Every family has some level of dysfunction from being too close or enmeshed to being too distant. Kids need a few hours each day, separate from the family, to figure out who they are in the world without constant parental feedback. Time spent on the playground gives kids the chance to form relationships outside the watchful eye of their parents. These relationships are crucial to development. Kids get feedback from their peers ranging from, "I don't like you" to "You are my best friend."

There is no other setting including karate, ballet, and sunday school that compares to school. You start the year not knowing anybody. Over time you develop relationships with the teacher and other students in a comprehensive, intense setting. You learn what others expect out of you. You get to inform others what you expect out of them. You get daily feedback from adults outside your family. And then the school year closes and you have to say goodbye to people you have learned to love or loathe. School is much more than an education. You get to experience love, anger, exhilaration, boredom, frustration, joy, and loss in a controlled way.

I would bet that everyone who ever attended school had at least one teacher who changed their life. Mentors are invaluable. There is more to life than education. I never thought about homeschooling before, but I would say that the educational shortfalls from attending public school can be made up for later in life. I know this from my own experience. When I entered college my writing skills were lacking. I figured out what I needed to improve and I worked on the weak areas. There is only one chance to learn the social nuances of being five, eight, or seventeen years old with other kids of the same age.

Can I mow your lawn?

Jerry and I have been frustrated by the Utah attitude towards money. Several people have tried to bargain on the price of guitar lessons. This is how we pay our bills. Jerry has taught for 26 years. He is effective and he gets great results with his students. Once again someone called for lessons and his mom called back to say that they couldn't afford that much. Oh Well!

That was two weeks ago and today the teenager called Jerry and said, "I want lessons with you so bad that I am going to raise the money to pay for the lessons myself." He asked if he could mow our lawn as partial payment. I thought that was so darn cute. His drive to pay for his lessons despite the "high cost" restores my faith in humanity.

Shutterbug

I am not the greatest photographer, but I like to try for good pictures. A couple of years ago I bought the greatest little camera, a Pentax Optio. All the pictures in posts prior to this one were taken with the Pentax. Sadly, the Pentax is no longer with us. Jerry left it at the Bohemian Club and it was not turned in to "lost and found". Thus began the odyssey of trying to replace my beloved camera. I bought and returned three cameras, including another Optio. I found the quality of the photos disappointing.

I think I may have finally found a good replacement, a Sony Cybershot. I snapped a few pictures outside including a picture of my plum tree in blossom against a pitch black, moonless sky. I have very shaky hands and out of 30 pictures I am lucky if 2 or 3 are not blurry. About 50% came out fairly clear with the Sony. Check out the results.

p.s. I could not frame the tree in the viewfinder because I could not see it. The light is strictly from the flash. The photos were taken with no tripod and I think for a nighttime shot with no tripod and shaky hands they came out fairly clear. Good camera!

Things are not always what they seem

My cat is nearly seven years old and fairly predictable. I have had him since he was four months old. He used to bring live salamanders home. Who knew salamanders could scream? After I rescued the second salamander from Kitty's clutches he stopped bringing his playthings home. Six years later I was surprised when I opened the front door and found a dead bird on my door mat. The kitty was a few feet away meowing in a very strange way that almost sounded like a question. Mewwww?

I scolded the kitty and closed the door as Jerry reminded me that cats are carnivores. I said, "I know, but what I don't know won't bother me." I could not believe that the cat would lay a dead bird on my door step.

Two days later as I approached the front door, and the sun was hitting it just right, I noticed a splotch of blood and feathers near the top of the door. The bird had flown into the door and the kitty had simply discovered the bird. I jumped to the wrong conclusion, despite knowing better.

The Thing About Utah

South end of Utah Lake

When we first decided to move it was purely an economic decision. Houses in Marin start at about $800,000 and we did not choose high paying careers. We decided that Utah would be a good place to own property, because it would fit within our budget. Once we decided to move however there was a definite outpouring of opinion. The general comment was: "Why on earth would you want to live in Utah?" We heard this comment from Mormons and non-Mormons alike. While I don't tend to like defending my decisions I thought it would be worth coming up with an answer. I actually found an answer on a discussion list online that I happened to stumble across. This guy posted something like this, I paraphrase, "Lets see, yeah why would you want to live in a place where the worst crime likely to be perpetrated upon you is that someone will walk off with your pen?"

I laughed when I read that one. I heard from other people things like: "In Utah you live on the same street as your bishop and relief society president and the ward clerk." I grew up in Utah. I don't remember that bothering me. I spent four years in New York City where you could collapse on the street and people will step over you (generalization). For seventeen years I have lived in Marin where everybody lives tucked away behind six foot fences. I have never been inside any of my neighbors homes. I couldn't ask any of them for a ride to the airport. So given the choice between too much intrusion or none at all I would probably lean towards too much at this point in my life.

Today one of Jerry's Utah student's moms brought him a loaf of homemade bread. He said it is the best bread he has ever tasted. That is the kind of thing I appreciate about Utah.

Adversity?

Last night while attending a meeting a woman tearfully told me that her soon-to-be-born grandchild has Spina Bifida. I could tell that she was scared and upset. How do you comfort someone who is facing the unknown? We all want healthy children and the only words of comfort I could offer her were my own experience.


Thirteen years ago we discovered that one of my sisters twin daughters was born deaf. I think at first we were in shock and maybe even a bit sad that she would be missing out on the sounds of life, like music and laughter. You cry and then you move on. What we could not have anticipated is how this seeming negative could actually be a positive. Most members of our family have learned sign language. We have also changed as a family for the positive. I am sure Sierra struggles with her deafness, but she is a special kid.

When she was small, age 3 or 4, Sierra wanted to help with everything. She would pull a stool up to the counter and insist on stirring, washing dishes, and chopping. Then when dinner was well under way she would run outside and help grandpa rake leaves. She is still the same at thirteen as she was at three; she works really hard. Sierra also has this special way of seeing right through you. When I took her to see my house for the first time she looked in every room and closet. We headed out the front door and she pulled me back in the house telling me we needed to have a talk.

At the time Jerry and I were not sure if or when we would be able to live in the house. Very slowly and earnestly Sierra signed the following:

"I know that you want an investment, but this is much, much more than an investment. This is a home. This is more than a house, it is a home. You need to live here. After I go to college and graduate, if you have not moved in I am going to live here. OK." It was such a precious moment that I was laughing and crying at the same time.

I have had a few events in my life that on the surface seemed devastating. For the most part, in the end, the adversity was not so adverse. In 1989 I returned to my apartment in Brooklyn to discover that I had been burgled. They took nearly everything. I decided to leave New York and I did not have much to move. The burglarly spurred me into action. Two years ago I had my car stolen from Northgate mall. After this adverse situation I ended up with a much nicer car.

I guess adversity has helped me clarify my priorities too. When you have a challenge thrown before you it is a chance to choose. I got to choose whether to be a victim to the circumstances. I got to choose whether to make the best of things. I got to choose a new path. I got to choose who I wanted to be.