Friday, July 20, 2007

Character Flaws

Having a masters degree in psychology is a bit of problem sometimes. On the other hand I am not nearly as disabled by other peoples behavior as I was at times in the past. You know how it is. Some friend is gossiping about you and you wonder, "Why me?" There are myriad examples. One of the big problems in life is projection, so I thought I would write a little about how to detect and avoid projection. Your life will be much easier if you can avoid this psychological game that many people play.

We are at a time in history where good has become bad and bad has become good as the scriptures forewarn and I see it happening even in my own family. We strive to be good people, but there are some things that have become acceptable and tolerated. Recently my brother felt the need to have a talk with me about a perceived character flaw.

The details of the story do not matter. What he was doing was projecting. When I first learned about projection the way it was explained to me troubled me and I questioned the concept, but now that I have been thoroughly educated I literally do not take anything personally. Projection is basically disowned inner angst. The things you don't like about yourself, but cannot admit that you even possess those characteristics. An extreme example would be homophobia. If you obsess and project hatred about another person's sexuality it is likely because you cannot "own" that you are capable of similar behavior. That does not mean you would ever or even that you have those desires, but simply that you are capable. When you can say to yourself I am cabaple of that behavior you can let go of bitter hatred towards others.

Well what about Hitler and the holocaust? If you possess bitter hatred for Hitler it is because you cannot admit that you are capable of becoming a sheep or a murderer. When you can admit that you are capable of murder you can let go of the projection. I used this as an example with a skilled and knowledgable psychology professor thinking that surely this would stump her. She instantly replied, "if you are human you are capable of murder, because you possess the intelligence, know how, and tools to do the deed." My reply was, "but I would never..." and she still maintained that was beside the point. Admit you are capable and you will not spend sleepless nights, foaming at the mouth with hatred. Does that mean that you have any less sympathy for the victims or any more tolerance for the events? No you simply become more objective about whatever it is that bothers you.

So here is my brother, with whom I have always gotten along, telling me that I need to correct my behavior. If my behavior is bothering him it is because he cannot stand the same behavior in himself and is suppressing his angst and projecting on to me. It is like playing a game. Someone throws a ball at you (projection) and if you catch it and throw it back they are relieved of their inner angst. They forget they threw the slur/anger/sarcasm and all they remember is that you have now thrown a slur/anger/sarcasm at them. By catching the projection you have released the pressure from them and you are now the bad guy. If they throw the ball and you don't catch it, but let it fall on the ground the person is forced to look at their inner angst lying there. You did not play their game. You know when you have thrown a projection (unreceived) whenever you say to yourself, "I can't believe I said or did that." That was a projection that fell flat on the ground. You were forced to remember your slur, because no one took the projection you hurled.

It is difficult to show no reaction if someone hurls an insult, but when you get to the point of realizing, "This has nothing to do with me" you can let a lot of slings and arrows fly by you without letting them affect your day or your life. I can say without equivocation that every insult, angry comment, or jab projected at you does not have anything whatsoever to do with you. Ever, Ever, Ever. Do not react and watch the amazing results. Even fights with your spouse are totally unnecessary. I challenge you to try not to have one negative or angry encounter for one week. Let EVERYTHING slide off your back. Do not get defensive. Do not get angry. Apologize immediately for your own projections. The adversary is the root of all dissension and he wants us to be consumed by hatred and anger. Projections given or taken keeps the adversary close at hand. I know that my friends are good people. I will bet that on a daily basis someone out in the world tries to convince you of your badness, whether it be a driver on the road or someone in your family. Let it all go sure in the knowledge that you are child of God and He has sent you here. There is only one path and projection attempts to pull you from that path.

My favorite "affordable" home decorating stores online

These are some of my favorite websites at the moment. I thought I would share since some of them may be undiscovered gems.

Eurway has very low prices. For example, they have a table for $118 (full price) that is $298 on several other websites. They just opened a store in Tempe, AZ (based in Texas).
http://www.eurway.com/

Of course Overstock.com has a great selection, but the fact that shipping is only $2.95 no matter what you buy... You can't beat that.
http://www.overstock.com/

Bombay Company is great for that British Colonial look that is popular now. You could have a very rich feel for very little money.
http://www.bombaycompany.com:80/gp/home.html

CB2 is a Chicago based offshoot of Crate and Barrel
http://www.cb2.com/

Pier 1
West Elm

Not so affordable
Design within Reach has a Mill Valley location for you Marinites
http://www.dwr.com/
Some of their items have online equivalents, but you can get great ideas and then find the same thing elsewhere for less.

This looks like the same thing to me. Jerry really wanted these chairs until I told him that every McDonalds in america seems to have them.

Navy side chair $385
http://www.dwr.com/productdetail.cfm?id=0012

Oceanic Side Chair $99
http://stackchairdepot.com/merchant2/mv_oceanicSide.html

More to come

Some of you may have noticed that I am spending a bit less time on my computer. In fact there are days when I don't even check my email now. I am outside every chance I get, either working in the yard or standing on the corner talking with the neighbors. However, the rest of my time is spent shopping. In the past week I have visited at least two to three stores per day on my perpetual quest for the perfect table, desk, chairs, lamps, and so on. While Jerry is gone this weekend I will take some more photos and post them, so stay tuned...

p.s. I am really stuck for art. I don't want to [can't] spend $300+ for real art. If you have any great suggestions for filling up large expanses of blank wall let me know. Basically, I don't want people to walk in and say, "Oh, she shops at Ikea." I will post the blank walls in question.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Bargain Shopping


We stretched our finances to the limits by living in two places and flying back and forth every week for seven months. Now that we are finally in our house we must watch the budget, instead of furnishing the place in style. I have tried to be fairly creative and I thought I would pass along some of my tips and tricks. First of all we left nearly all the old furniture behind and since we are not independently wealthy we are living in a pretty spartan environment. For each area I knew I wanted certain things and I went on the hunt. While still in Cali I hit Bombay company, Pier 1, and West Elm on a regular basis and I vowed to only buy when an item was 50-75% off the original price. With patience I got almost everything I wanted by waiting. However, I did lose out on a couple of items. In the picture below I bought the convex mirror at Bombay in Town Center for $99 (regularly $299). I figured it probably wouldn't go lower and I was leaving the next week. The chairs I bought at RC Willey for $299 a piece (regularly $349). They were marked $349 and I just asked if they would go any lower on the price. Their policy is to give the last sale price if it was within the last month or two. The benches are Pottery Barn media benches with sliding doors. This was the bargain of the century. Here in Utah there are stores called Downeast Outfitters. They receive scratched and dented merchandise from places like West Elm, Williams Sonoma Home, Pottery Barn, Etc. Generally the prices are 40% off the retail, so they can still be fairly pricy. A few weeks ago they had a tent sale and items were deeply discounted. These media benches were a bit scratched up and the price was $149. I thought they were cute, but not worth $149. The next day I returned and they had been marked down to $49. I snapped them up to fill this long wall next to the fireplace. It was an awkward space and since a fireplace is usually a focal point something like a big wall of shelves or an entertainment center would detract. the little cushions on top were also from the tent sale. They are West Elm microfiber suede cushions purchased for $5. This little vignette serves a few purposes. Lots of extra seating for the kids. It covers up a wall of outlets, cable jacks, phone lines, and internet outlets. It was kind of an eyesore, to be frank. The little tables between the chairs were an accident. I ordered two console tables from West Elm and since they were out of stock they "kindly" sent the end tables instead. When I called to correct the problem they informed me that if I would like to pay the $50 shipping they would happily take them back. Yeah right! Hammered metal end tables from West Elm $89 each. FYI: Those little tables are now $69. This room still needs art and a coffee table/ottoman but I think it is fairly well furnished for:

110 two media benches and cushions
100 convex mirror
900 3 chairs
180 2 endtables
100 floor lamp

1390 total expenditure

Sunday, July 1, 2007

tailgater

I just had to throw this one in for fun. I was sitting at a stoplight in downtown Salt Lake when I spotted this in my rearview mirror.

Rodeo

Last time I went to a rodeo I was about eight years old. This was Jerry's first rodeo ever. We had such a great time and while I was a little concerned about animal cruelty I was amazed that all the animals seemed to know exactly where to go when they were done performing. I viewed the PRCA website and read about their animal welfare policy which put my mind at ease a bit.

Anyway, the rodeo was a hoot and there were tons of girls dressed to the nines, with overdone hair, makeup and very high heels. I said to Jerry, "Why would anyone dress so fancy to go to a dirty, stinky rodeo." Jerry looked at me incredulously and said, "They are rodeo groupies." I bet he's right.

The feats of daring do were quite amazing and I will never forget the rodeo.

Steer Wrasslin'



Fire!



After an eventful month I thought I would add a few posts. Last Sunday June 24th a fire started on Lake Mountain about five miles south of us. This was the second fire this month and we left home for an outing confident that the fire was too far off to be of any consequence. By the time we returned in the early evening the whole neigborhood smelled like a campfire. 75 mile an hour winds gave the fire a good push.

At four a.m. I awoke to choking thick smoke filling the house. These are the pictures taken from the front porch when I went to investigate. The pictures don't really do it justice. What you can't see are what looks like several strings of glowing pearls. When I drove a couple of miles down the road there were little glowing spots all over the hillside as if you were looking into the embers of a dying campfire, but imagine that covering two square miles of hillside. Awesome!

The fire came within about a half mile and while we were not in any danger it was the closest I have ever been to a full scale forest fire. It took six days to fully extinguish the blaze and crews are still camped on the mountain to deal with hot spots. We were not in any danger because we have a natural fire break of hardpan building lots for about four blocks in every direction.