Adversity?

Last night while attending a meeting a woman tearfully told me that her soon-to-be-born grandchild has Spina Bifida. I could tell that she was scared and upset. How do you comfort someone who is facing the unknown? We all want healthy children and the only words of comfort I could offer her were my own experience.


Thirteen years ago we discovered that one of my sisters twin daughters was born deaf. I think at first we were in shock and maybe even a bit sad that she would be missing out on the sounds of life, like music and laughter. You cry and then you move on. What we could not have anticipated is how this seeming negative could actually be a positive. Most members of our family have learned sign language. We have also changed as a family for the positive. I am sure Sierra struggles with her deafness, but she is a special kid.

When she was small, age 3 or 4, Sierra wanted to help with everything. She would pull a stool up to the counter and insist on stirring, washing dishes, and chopping. Then when dinner was well under way she would run outside and help grandpa rake leaves. She is still the same at thirteen as she was at three; she works really hard. Sierra also has this special way of seeing right through you. When I took her to see my house for the first time she looked in every room and closet. We headed out the front door and she pulled me back in the house telling me we needed to have a talk.

At the time Jerry and I were not sure if or when we would be able to live in the house. Very slowly and earnestly Sierra signed the following:

"I know that you want an investment, but this is much, much more than an investment. This is a home. This is more than a house, it is a home. You need to live here. After I go to college and graduate, if you have not moved in I am going to live here. OK." It was such a precious moment that I was laughing and crying at the same time.

I have had a few events in my life that on the surface seemed devastating. For the most part, in the end, the adversity was not so adverse. In 1989 I returned to my apartment in Brooklyn to discover that I had been burgled. They took nearly everything. I decided to leave New York and I did not have much to move. The burglarly spurred me into action. Two years ago I had my car stolen from Northgate mall. After this adverse situation I ended up with a much nicer car.

I guess adversity has helped me clarify my priorities too. When you have a challenge thrown before you it is a chance to choose. I got to choose whether to be a victim to the circumstances. I got to choose whether to make the best of things. I got to choose a new path. I got to choose who I wanted to be.