Tremors

I have had hand tremors since the age of seven. Extensive medical testing failed to uncover any specific cause. The neurologist labeled it "unexplained physiologic tremors". I pretty much know when they started and I am fairly certain that the tremors are a result of my second grade teacher being abusive. She would walk up and down the rows of the classroom and occassionally smack a child in the back of the head. When I say occasionally I mean maybe once every two or three weeks, so you never knew when it was coming or who would be next. Now you are probably wondering why I would make a post in favor of school, given my experience. My kindergarten, first, fourth, and sixth grade teachers were life changing for the positive. They were all wonderful teachers. I was the teachers pet in fourth grade and my sixth grade teacher really took me under her wing and mentored me.

The tremors are more of an issue for other people than they are for me. It only impacts my life in the fact that I cannot paint my own nails. When I was taking architecture courses I had no problem doing detailed work making scale models and drawing blueprints, it just takes a few attempts to place things straight.

Some people I am close to occassionally grumble, "Stop shaking!" As if it is a choice. When I get stressed or nervous it definitely gets worse, but it is almost like it is a part of who I am. I don't ever try to get control of myself. I don't care if I am visibly shaking. The shaking has never gotten better or worse over the years. In the course of my psychology education several people suggested forgiving my teacher and that would make it go away. I have forgiven her. I have done yoga, therapy, and lots of prayer. I wonder if the calm part of my brain stopped functioning when I was seven? There is a really great class on the brain at my local junior college. I wish I would have taken that class. I probably could have learned a great deal about my own situation.

My sister-in-law also has hand tremors, probably worse than mine and I had to scold my mom a couple of times for jumping in to help her open a lid or change a diaper. She sometimes appears to be struggling, but that is her way of completing tasks. She and I kind of laugh about other peoples reactions to our hand tremors. It is no big deal. I believe that the stress on my psyche at age seven was immense and instead of internalizing the horror, I externalized it as a coping mechanism. In lieu of becoming a kid with behavior problems I developed a physiological problem instead of a psychological problem.